Ahhh, March 4th. My day of self reflection, goal setting and personal review. Why March 4th, you ask? Here's the post where I make sense of that.
This last year was: weird. fun. stressful. hilarious. rewarding. taxing. painful. freeing. And, with all that, probably my best yet.
I think - wait, I know - that my challenge is to remember & live the lessons I've learned, while continuing to improve. This personal growth thing is no joke - sometimes I just wanna turn on G. Love & Special Sauce, pour a glass of wine, dance in the kitchen & stop learning for a minute (or a day). The cool thing is, when I feel like that now, I stop & dance.
My kid is gonna have so much to tell her shrink when she's older.
The most peaceful thing I've done for myself is to be incredibly honest, with myself & everyone else. It's caused some dicey moments, and I've had to have some uncomfortable conversations, and I've done my best to be truthful in a kind tone. The truth does, undoubtedly, set you free - but it ain't always what folks want to hear. So I've experienced some backlash. Which I'm fine with, actually, because Lord, I'd rather be called a bitch than a liar, any day.
I've just begun to lean out of drama, rather than into it - both mine and other people's. At work & in life, it's amazing the clarity I get if I stop to really observe an event or situation, rather than being in the middle of it.
I've started to put myself first - in decisions & in time. But wait, don't I have a child? Aren't I a single parent even? What about being a good daughter & good friend? Here's what I've learned: there's not a single decision I've made that was really good for me that ended up being bad for my daughter. Not once. But the choices I've made in my life "for her" or for friends & family? Some of those have bitten me right in the ass. Hard. It turns out that what's right for me is right for everyone in my life that really matters.
It's never too late to start something new. It really isn't. I'm pretty sure that when Wilford Brimley was busy being Howard Hughes' bodyguard, he didn't plan to make Cocoon or commercials from Quaker Oats. (Don't believe me? Google him.)
Which leads me to my favorite lesson: to go where life takes me. Some of my favorite moments & a few of the coolest people I've ever met came into my life when I wasn't trying to control the outcome - and so, I've stopped (mostly) trying to control the ending of every story. As a type-A only child, this is serious new behavior, but it's the best lesson I've learned.
At least so far.
Ciao bella -
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