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    Home / Articles / KC's Blog

    G.I. Distress and That Time We Got Drunk on Pineapple.

    Posted On Aug 26, 2012 · Updated On Sep 16, 2019

    G.I. Distress and That Time We Got Drunk on Pineapple.
    KC's Blog

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    I eat the stuff I like.

    I eat pineapple because I like it. It's the same reason I eat Siggi's Coconut skyr, aged & soft cheeses, artichokes, fresh basil, dill pickles, beets, walnuts & honey. So it's swell that these foods happen to help my digestive system, because I'm willing to eat them.

    I just got sick (meh) for the second time this year. The first time, I brought myself back on my own - those of you who rock Celiac & other AI Diseases know the drill: high-dose vitamin supplements, careful eating, constant hydration, meds, relaxation techniques - and constant (loving) harassment by family + friends about sleep, grams of protein & water vs. coffee. That wasn't enough this time - after a few weeks (I know, I'm stubborn) of fatigue,  insomnia, nausea &  the resulting epic-level moodiness these symptoms bring on, I went to see the panel of doctors that put me back together again at least once a year - I like to call it the Humpty Dumpty tour. Here's how it always goes:

    • Diagnosis: Full G.I. Distress! I know, boys. That's why I'm here.
    • They ask how much stress I've been under, and if I think that's causing the flare. They know me well enough now to take my "If you're so smart, why do you ask such dumb questions" look as a response, and then I get coached about reducing my stress level. Every time.
    • Then we do the blood tests, the results of which I can generally predict based on how I'm feeling. Turns out I (always) need more iron, B12, sodium & protein (I tell everybody who calls me for Doctor's results that I need more Diet Coke, bacon & red meat.) Then I get coached about eating the items listed above plus protein, and reminded that my "coping diet" (I told you they know me) of corn tortillas, cheese + hot sauce is not going to work, long term. Every time.
    • They also prefer that I have a glass of wine to relax & try to sleep at night - did I mention that I love these guys?

    So, two weeks ago, I picked up my prescriptions (let's be real. Saint Joan, my mother, picked them up for me, and she brought a roasted chicken & her special smoked salmon because she knew I'd eat it) and I started back on the stuff-besides-tortillas eating plan with cameo appearances at a Farmer's Market, Trader Joe's & Whole Foods. Fridge full of stuff I like, Saint Joan + friends & family on high alert, optimum health: here I come! Let's get wine.

    My girlfriend Winehead (yes, that's what we call her) and I stopped at Pismo's Coastal Grill (they're a client of my other business) for a meeting, planning to have some seafood (protein!) and wine (prescribed!) - and we spied a giant container of pineapple sitting on the bar. Winehead: Aren't you supposed to be eating pineapple? Me: Yeah, soluible fiber and bromelain. We ordered Stoli-Dole martinis, containing the pineapple that had been marinating in rum, vodka & vanilla vodka, as we were both certain that's what my trusty team of Docs would want us to do.  They put a couple of pineapple chunks in the bottom and everything.

    These are the best tropical drinks in the history of the universe.

    Winehead & I are both marinating pineapple at home now. And here's the recipe, in case you don't live close to Pismo's (if you do, you should go there, NOW):

    Stoli Dole Martinis, from Pismo's Coastal Grill:

    Remove the outer rind & core of a fresh pineapple, and slice into rounds or chunks. Place the pineapple into a glass container with a lid that seals fully, and add equal parts coconut rum, vanilla vodka & vodka, until the fruit is fully covered/immersed. Allow to marinate for at least one week.

    To prepare the martini: add 2 oz of the liquid from the marinated pineapple & 2oz of fresh pineapple juice to a shaker with ice. Shake vigorously, and pour into a chilled martini glass. Garnish with 2-3 chucks of the marinated pineapple.

    Photo: Ashley, our new Best Friend from Pismo's, with our Stoli Dole Martinis

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    1. Stephanie says

      August 26, 2012 at 8:19 pm

      Eat the pineapple garnish. It's the real treat!

      Reply

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    K.C. the G-Free Foodie

    K.C. is a farm-grown foodie, born and raised in the fertile fields of California’s San Joaquin Valley. After being diagnosed with Celiac Disease following years of unexplained illness, she has infused her gluten-free life with flavor, fork in hand. Learn more about K.C.

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